The beloved two-story house up on Wesserunsett Lake, where the American people used to go every summer since before any of them could remember, has reportedly been falling apart for years now, requiring extensive maintenance and forcing the nation to concede that keeping the residence simply no longer makes financial sense.
According to the U.S. populace, the lake house was the site of some of their most cherished memories, such as the way all 317 million of them would excitedly rush upstairs to claim rooms at the start of the summer, the night when the whole nation got a little too drunk and someone broke the screen door, the time Pete dropped the steaks, and how the dog always used to run out of the lake, shake herself off, and get the American people soaking wet.
“It is pretty sad to think we’ll never use that rope swing again, though,” she continued. “I remember when Cathy [Meyer of Boulder, CO], Arthur [Johnson of Montgomery, AL], Linda [Taylor of Kenosha, WI], Juan [Sanchez of St.
easily flammable shack, eh
Nation is looking for a cottage with 150,000,000 bedrooms,all soundproof because, well, you know.
$15 is the best I can do
That's a lake shack
You know the end is near once we have reached such extremes.
But, what will happen to Keanu and Sandra?
Hopefully before the government reaches the debt ceiling…
owillis
It's really beautiful but I dont think I could afford the property taxes on it. 😩
couldn't afford the property tax it charged itself
I remember when the Onion was last funny. 2012.
Send proceeds to Ukraine. 🇺🇦
Entire country moves into mobile home outside Springfield, MO.
I’m going to miss the old place. I remember how long meemaw would be in the kitchen whipping up 332,403,650 homemade ice cream cones for us after we got in from the dock.
Where we gonna go for summer 😭
Sold.
Nation Takes Out Reverse Mortgage on Nation
The kids are gonna take it pretty hard.
Thanks a lot, Brandon.
And Seriously Consider Not Taking A Second Vacation This Year
☹️
How much?
so we can be homeless and live anywhere we want yay
Poor Norway.
How about selling red states…Texas. Florida.
Was it a heavy brick?
And my sister will get all the memorabilia, too.
Brilliant!
This was one of the saddest articles I’ve ever read
Ok the article is hilarious
It’s been in the family for generations. Teddy Roosevelt broke his arm falling out of that tree right over there.
Not funny
Ah yes, up old 95...
But it's been in the family for years!
I know that house! It was this guy’s house!
And we just redid the kitchen this Spring. Such a shame.
. (truth) I get the impression I should own everything these unknown people have But noone will even tell me who it is
This website is bias and the worse hournalism
How's the fishing?
Was this really from 2013? Why is the Onion repeating stuff from 2013? And no, it's not bc it's relevant again. It's not.
I’ll pay a taco 🌮. No sale? Okay. 3 tacos 🌮 🌮🌮. Still no sale? Fine. Ppl drive a hard bargain. I will pay, that’s right, 5 tacos 🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮. And I will add some guacamole 🥑 business
You guys/girls are funny and everything and I really like you but maybe it’s time to take a break.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'll give you $5 for it.
Crossing my fingers for Puerto Rico
That would be Hawaii
How much?
We'll get another one. It will be even better.
Nice
Too dinky of a house unless it’s part of the overall property. I’ll buy it for zero.
The lake house ain’t worth shit.
Bernie Sanders has a massive lakehouse as well as 2 other properties, yet people believe he is the man of the people. He has been fooling libtards since he faked those pics of being at the civil rights marches. BernieBros
A land developer is grinning and rubbing his hands together somewhere.