hree years, six months and 13 days ago, I tweeted the words “Coleen Rooney: Agatha Christie”. Well, that’s not quite what I tweeted. I inserted a “W” before the Agatha, creating a disposable pun that somehow went viral. To my bemusement the joke was emblazoned across countless headlines worldwide. You may be wondering why have I introduced my famous pun in such a tortured fashion. Well, I’m trying to avoid getting sued.
But my stupefaction was mixed with an unexpected admiration for the sheer chutzpah of Mrs Vardy: not only did she, the joke wasn’t even about her! It was Coleen who was called Stagatha Crispy. Given how comprehensive the trademark is, I’m already preparing for the emotional torture of watching my throwaway gag mutate into a merchandising empire: at breakfast choosing between Wagaflakes and Rice Christies; picking up dog mess with my Poo Bagatha; reading the latest gossip in my glossy Wagazine… a living hell. Spurred on by fever dreams of this potential nightmare, I started wondering if this was even legal.
It’s a legal grey area. And legal grey areas turn lawyers into panting cartoon dogs with pound signs in their eyes, salivating over potentially years of eye-wateringly expensive arguments about whether or not a pun is copyrightable. You know how explaining a joke renders it unfunny? Try having it picked apart over several years by barristers. I know that’s why I got into comedy!