St. Louis Officials Encourage Celebrating Blues Fans To Just Burn City Down And Finally End This

📆 6/13/2019 5:46 AM
📰 TheOnion

⏱ Reading Time:
1 sec. here
2 min. at publisher
📊 Quality Score:
News: 4%
Publisher: 51%

Property Property Headlines News

Property Property Latest News,Property Property Headlines

ST. LOUIS—Saying that the city has had this coming for a long time and this moment was as good a time as any, St. Louis officials encouraged fans celebrating the Blues Stanley Cup victory Wednesday to just burn the city down and finally end everyone’s suffering. “To all the Blues fans out there who may be smashing windows or starting fires, all we can say is: Absolutely do that. We’ve dealt with this place for far too long, and we are ready for it to die,” said Mayor Lyda Krewson, who claimed the city was taking steps to aid any rioters by placing bins full of bricks, lighters, and baseball bats around the St. Louis along with idling bulldozers that any Blues fan could commandeer free of punishment. “Obviously, a lot of fans are going to be drunk, and we think that’s great. As long as you’re damaging property, the police aren’t going to bother you—in fact, they might even be ordered to help. Crash cars into buildings, tear apart bus stops, pull down the fucking Arch for all we care. It’s over. St. Louis isn’t worth it. We don’t give a shit anymore.” At press time, Mayor Krewson was seen greeting celebrating fans on the street before grabbing a trash can and smashing in the window of a liquor store.

Write Comment

play Gloria

If we win again we're gonna try and push the arch down again.

Right on let’s do this 🤣

lol

running out of sports teams

U must have St. Louis confused with detroit

MurkaDurkah time to break out the hammers

slangthang

DominicDs34

This is about racecars. NOT music. Now i gotta put away my torch and saxophone 😔

Word. Lmao.

MeghanSkornia 😬😬😬

rachelz971 tonycolombo971 If you thought chucktodd 's comments were mean spirited...

cjdoll contrast! LGB StanleyCupChampions2019

E_JonesEurasia

The real joke is that the St Louis Metro Police were actually caught on video smashing windows during a protest a couple years ago

Lyda Krewson, please submit your resignation and leave the country.

We've got a city to burn.

ShelbyMeyer_

Matt_McClure_

Wait, is the city really encouraging all 6 of them?

Please end LA it’s trash!

This is St. Louis, not Bean town.

HPBitchcraft

Et tu Onion?

“Boston Officials Encourage Rioting Bruins Fans To Do The Same”

I am starting to doubt your articles as they lack credible sources. I hope this company isn’t becoming part of the fakenewsmedia.

This is preposterous - Lyda Krewson would never show this much backbone!

banjopaul2149 This is pathetic. Shame on whoever thinks this is amusing.

Agree. Maybe the entire state?

St. Louis officials encouraged fans celebrating the StLouisBlues Stanley Cup victory Wednesday to just burn the city down and finally end everyone’s suffering.

You better post the alternate article you had prepared, and not let it go to waste.

We don't do that, we might burn a StanKroeke effigy.

You mad, Boston Onion writers?

SarahSpain

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE ICE SPORT TEAM THAT WON THE 'BEST ICE SPORT TEAM' AWARD!

ChelseaKMerta Tough but fair...

BleacherNation

TheBrotographer

isntfunctional

🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻

Seems legit

I hope when the stlouisblues are engaging in their drunken orgies tonight they remember there’s only one abortion clinic left in the state.

Most accurate headline yet tbh

it won’t burn

BrawleyPDX - thought you’d enjoy this

grenadine

But mostly those derelict buildings over there. Condemned.

Cc jmaz

That doesn’t sound right... lmao

HAHAHAHA... Well.. THAT didnt take long did it.. 🤣

Please. Someone give them torches. Burn baby, burn!!! I’ll get the popcorn and my Anthony Rizzo Jersey.

Oh oh......

I suspect Boston will burn first

Bruins were a disgrace today

Wow highly doubt an acting official would recommend the citizens to burn the city down. Might want to check your sources honastly. Wow.

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

Property Property Latest News, Property Property Headlines